So that’s what we’ve been up to…

*sigh* I hate it when life gets this crazy. So, I figured Miscellany Monday would be the perfect opportunity to give the snapshot version of the last month.

Warning: my brain is way to scrambled to do this in chronological order!!

.skiing.

We got to go skiing in Utah on Easter. A super special memory with my college roomie and her husband. Too bad the rental guys didn’t believe me that I had humongous calf muscles and I had to go back and exchange my boots.

.pride.

Said skiing trip was a huge milestone for me personally. My first skiing trip (in high school) was quite emotionally scarring, so the fact that I gave it another go was a huge win in the pride and anxiety columns. More on that later.

Also, it was pretty awesome to show off a couple times because Keith had a picture in his head of me being a terrible skier, but it helps that dancing muscles and skiing muscles are the same :)

.resident retreats.

We got to hang out with these awesome people on a 2nd Year Resident retreat a few weekends ago. Always good times! And I love the little photo bomber in the background :)

.valley of fire.

The retreat was our first time to Valley of Fire. We had a great time discovering a new place and I had fun trying some night time photography!

And Keith enjoyed some quality time with a flashlight.

.family photos.

I loved taking pictures of these two cuties. I’m so thankful for all the family and friends that have helped me build my portfolio! Huge giveaway coming soon – I think it’ll get posted the last week of school. Be ready!

.moving.

We moved two weekends ago. For some reason this picture is my favorite.

This was my absolute favorite moment of the day – the truck pulled around the corner with the chair precariously balanced right on the edge. Physics at work!

We feed our people well.

.gphltb.

Several weekends ago, our church had Sunday morning service outside in a local park. It was called “Grace Point Has Left The Building”. I was really thankful to take some pictures to document the event.

The worship team rocked it in the great outdoors!

It’s always a huge blessing to serve with so many people. And I get all nerdy excited that we all have matching t-shirts!

A huge spread of food for some time to relax together and enjoy Sunday afternoon.

.baptisms.

I’ve had lots of opportunities lately to take pictures for our church events. I LOVE IT! It’s been a fun little niche and a great way to keep honing my skills. We had baptisms yesterday and I am really happy with how the pictures turned out.

.flowers.

I just love how simple and beautiful these flowers are.

.gluten.

So, at one point I thought my gluten intolerance had cleared up due to pregnancy. Definitely false. My symptoms are not nearly as bad as before I was pregnant, but it still kicks me in the butt. No daily dose of gluten for me, but at least I know I can survive if my only choice for a meal has wheat!

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I guess that’s all for now! Linking up with Carissa at lowercase letters:

 

Darn You, Princess Peach

I love me some quality time with Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and the gang. Keith got Super Mario Bros. for the Wii, so that we’ve been enjoying that. However, I’m beginning to realize that my quest to rescue Princess Peach has become a trigger for my anxiety. I kid you not. You have permission to mock me.

This past week was really good week for my anxiety – no panic attacks! I added a B Vitamin to my regimen and am still working to make better choices in my diet (low carb, high protein). Saturday night we decided to end the night with some Super Mario Bros. since Keith had to work today. I limited myself to 3 games, which quickly turned into four. Then we played some UNO and went to bed.

I tossed and turned all night and woke up with horrible anxiety.

So, yes, I can now say with 100% certainty that Super Mario Bros. is a trigger for my anxiety and panic attcks. How annoying is that?! I guess I’ll just have to watch the next time Keith wants to play :(

Blessings of the Week…

This week I am so thankful for the many blessings I have received. It has been an extremely difficult week, but God’s presence has been evident.

.Necessary Endings.

My mom has been reading this book recently. When she started scanning and emailing whole chapters, I knew it was time to get a copy of my own. I plan on spending most of tomorrow reading as I know this book will help me through many transitions over the next year.

.passion fruit yogurt.

Yes, I’d consider this a blessing. I’m not a huge yogurt fan, but this passion fruit Greek yogurt is amazing. I love it.

I was so excited at how yummy it was that I ate almost all of it before I took a picture.

Yummmm…

.cuddly baby.

Our community group leaders’ son is so cute. Adorable, just want to grab his cheeks and hug him all day, kind of cute. This was him when he was only a few months old.

Luckily, he continues to be just as adorable!

I mean really, who wouldn’t love that face?! It’s even better that every time I hold him he gives me a huge grin and snuggles in.

.counseling.

After feeling a tug on my heart for the last few weeks, I decided it’s definitely time to head back to counseling. Through a referral from our church, I found Renewing Life Center. Oh man, I am just so thankful for someone who understands an anxiety disorder and can help me pray and work through the spiritual, mental, and physical aspects of it all at once!

If you’re in the Las Vegas area, check them out!

.camera therapy.

I have slowly been able to spend more and more time with Clara. She got a new accessory today as well! I’m so excited to add a prime lens to my collection since it makes tricky lighting situations so much easier!

This little friend is going to get a lot of love!!!

I took this picture as the sun was setting, in front of a North-facing apartment. The lens lets in so much light that you can see the dust collecting on that blue plate. Amazing! I guess that means I should do some dusting, huh?!

I love that this lens gives me the ability to focus tight on one thing and leave everything else really blurry. Yes, those are poinsettias; they are still alive – aren’t you so proud?!

.community group.

We are so blessed by our community group. Basically, it is like a Bible study, but with the intention of living life together and building a deep support system in addition to studying the Bible together. Each Friday night we can’t get out of the house fast enough because these people are worth every second we have with them. They’ve also been really encouraging in my struggles with anxiety and learning to eat Gluten Free. Almost all the snacks tonight were GF!

Black bean salsa = a good opportunity to try out the new lens + yummy snack.

What would I do without corn chips?!

Definitely NOT Gluten Free, but so photogenic.

A million and one thanks to Nick for getting me these cookies. BEST SNICKERDOODLES EVER! I’ve never had a Snickerdoodle as moist and wonderful as these. I almost ate the whole container on my own. I would have thought you were lying about them being GF if I hadn’t seen that they were from Udi’s myself!

.Dancing Willow Photography.

Now that Clara and I are rediscovering our relationship, I’m getting my shop back in order. Head on over to see the new graphics!

.hair cut.

It had been way too long since my last hair cut, so I made an appointment for today. Sadly, the lady who usually cuts it doesn’t work there anymore, so I had to *gasp* try someone new. At first she cut my bangs way to short and then started to do a very dramatic asymmetrical cut, so I only let myself freak out inside and asked her to make it more even. I held my breath the entire appointment until she styled it and I love it! These aren’t great pictures (again, I’m still figuring out the lens), but I thought I’d give you the idea. A new haircut goes a million miles in ignoring forgetting your troubles :)

Self portrait – definitely shoes the importance of good lighting in a picture! Too bad my arm isn’t long enough to get my whole face in.

Picture by Keith – not a work of art, but you can see my whole head, so it accomplishes the goal of showing off my quaff!

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Looking forward to a weekend of reading, hanging out, and watching a good football game on Sunday! There’s a bit of contention in our house since I was raised a Giants fan and Keith is for the Patriots all the way. One of us will need consoling Sunday night!

If I were my only reader…

I felt the need to write today. No clue what to write about, but I needed to write something. So headed over to trusty Swagbucks and searched for “blog prompts”. I finally found Daily Blog Prompts and really like the idea of an insightful question each day to inspire some sort of innovative post. I feel like I’m always writing the same kind of post in order to link up with somebody’s blog party.

What would you blog about if you knew no one would ever read it?

I have always approached my posts as if they were only for me. Writing is a hugely soothing practice for me and helps me to make order out of the chaos in my head. That said, anything that gets posted online can be read by anyone, so the blog is definitely not a private platform.

Sometimes I struggle with not having a gaggle of followers for my blog. How is it that other people seem to get a (seemingly) overnight following?

Ultimately, I keep coming back to the fact that I started a blog for myself. I write to share my thoughts with friends and family that are far and near. I write for accountability and to see how God has worked in our lives over the years. I don’t need followers to achieve those goals.

I missed my 2 year “bloggiversary” this past December; I always laugh thinking about the events that inspired me to start Our Life In Four Bags. In my third semester of graduate school I was couch surfing (read the whole story here and find out what was in those four bags) and needed some type of outlet to work through the hardships we were facing.

My hopes for the blog are still foggy. I would like to continue to be honest and transparent about my struggles with anxiety as well as my frustrations in having Celiac disease. It would be fabulous to encourage others in similar situations through my writing, but if no one ever read I would still continue to write.

So, I guess if no one ever read this, I’d keep blogging anyways :)

What would you write about?

An Anchor For The Soul

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19

The last few weeks have been rough. I went off Zoloft at the end of November and now that it’s out of my system and school is back in session, I’m struggling.

Just like with my Celiac Disease, the time I have had without anxiety due to Zoloft has made anxiety without Zoloft magnified. Each day I deal with up to 38 teenagers bouncing off the walls – since large intimidating groups are one of my triggers, the school day can seem like an eternity.

I have been doing fairly well at managing anxiety and panic attacks. When I can, I get myself somewhere quiet where I can relax enough for my symptoms to recede. Otherwise I continue to remind myself that symptoms are temporary. Still, without Zoloft I feel out of control.

Please don’t think I’m dependent on Zoloft. It’s just that I have struggled my whole life with anxiety and panic symptoms and the 5 months I was on the medication were the most anxiety-free I have ever experienced! I would suspect most of my friends and family have no idea I struggle with anxiety. Through my 25 years on Earth I have learned to hide, ignore, and deny my anxiety problems. I have hidden my symptoms well, but never dealt with the underlying causes.

Zoloft seemed to be a solution, but due to other medical issues at the moment I had to go off of it.

So, I am hanging on to God’s promises as an anchor for my soul. How comforting to think that in the midst of anxiety, which seems to blow me with the wind, my soul is anchored firm.

What keeps you anchored?

What I’ve Learned About Anxiety

I’ve been on Zoloft for over 6 weeks now. It has been an interesting journey, but I am so glad I made the decision to go on medication. If you haven’t been reading from the beginning of my Zoloft posts, check out the first one.

I have definitely settled into my dosage and am no longer having insomnia! I was talking with an aunt the other day, telling her how much of a relief it has been to be on meds and feel myself again. I smiled when all she said was, “Welcome Back!”

School starts again on Monday. There is definitely a voice in the back of my head that reminds me every now and then that my anxiety could come back, but I am optimistic that I have left that far behind me.

Anxiety has taught me to take care of myself. I used to be one of those people that couldn’t say “no” as was always spreading myself thin. Now, I find myself having to learn to say “yes” more often. The last year, I have had to make my world very small and rarely left my bubble. Now, I am getting involved in new things and meeting new people.

If I were a different kind of person, I’d call it a “re-birthing”. I’m not really sure what kind of person would call it that.

The most important things I have learned about anxiety are as follows:

• Let your inner circle know – the people who are closest to you will want to be part of this journey with you. The fear of their judgement can be paralyzing, but their support is worth the risk.
• Other people understand – many people will mistake anxiety for stress or worry, but those few who have also struggled with anxiety will understand and help you gain a healthy perspective.
• There is nothing to be ashamed of – anxiety is not something that you chose, therefore you should not feel shame about it. God created you to be exactly who you are – we all have imperfections. I have been amazed at how God has used my anxiety to develop better relationships with people I know and forge new relationships with others who have similar struggles.
• Find something that makes you smile – even if you are still struggling with anxiety, find something that you really enjoy that can help you to relax. I found that soaking my feet in bubble bath and reading a book helped my brain to slow down. It didn’t make my symptoms go away, but it provided respite from the anxiety symptoms.

I hope these thoughts will be encouraging and helpful for you.

When I get anxious, I close my eyes and picture a Yosemite meadow.

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Miscellany Monday: 8/1

Phew! Another Miscellany Monday post – where have the days gone?

one. It’s August! That means my birthday is right around the corner and I’m celebrating with a 50% off sale in my Etsy shop! Head over to Dancing Willow Photography and use coupon code BIRTHDAY50 for half off during the month of August.

two. I’ve been working on my photography a lot lately. Last week I did some portraits for four sisters, a military promotion ceremony, and today I’m doing a family with three little boys. It’s gonna be a blast!

http://www.csl.sri.com/users/mwfong/Humor/This_Tired/

three. I wrote about my adventures in Zoloft land last week. I’m finally up at my intended dosage and the insomnia has returned! I slept about two hours Saturday night (followed by a four hour nap Sunday afternoon) and slept through half the night last night. Hopefully I’m just about over this phase!

four. I’ve been serving at our church on the lighting crew and it’s a blast! I’m now running the lights for a full service on my own. It’s been a really fun way to serve and a great creative outlet as well. So glad to have found a serving niche!

five. The running program is going really well! I’m in much better shape than I thought, so we’ll see how it goes this week when it gets a lot harder!

Adventures in Zoloft Land

When I was back East a few weeks ago I spoke with several friends and family members about my struggles with anxiety. After a lot of thought and discussion, it seemed clear that relief would only come by way of medication.

Upon my return, I met with my doctor, who agreed this was the best course of action. She agreed that since I have spent my time in therapy and that my anxiety has not subsided when stressers are removed, that I’m definitely dealing with an anxiety disorder.

I started Zoloft on July 13 (2 weeks ago now) and have seen a huge difference! The first 8 days I took 12.5mg per day. The first few days I had insomnia and a super boost in energy (the Dr. warned me of the espresso rush side affect): I got a lot crossed off my “to-do” list in those few days! Then I crashed and slept almost an entire day :)

The next 7 days I stepped up to 25mg. Every couple days I experienced some mild insomnia, but nothing some benedryl couldn’t fix. I definitely started tossing and turning at night (poor Keith), but I wasn’t having any obvious side effects.

Yesterday I increased dosage again to 50mg. It’s hard to tell if anything is different at this dosage level.

I did some research online and saw that many people couldn’t make it through the saturation process. It was so worth it to me; I haven’t had a panic attack in over two weeks! One day I had some very mild anxiety for a few hours, but that has been the extent – happy day!

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It took me 24 years to realize I had an anxiety disorder (I can remember panic attacks as far back as Kindergarten) and another year to start medication.

Something that’s always on my mind is how most people with anxiety disorders are completely misunderstood. Anxiety is often misinterpreted as stress, mood swings, and worry. It’s much more of an overwhelming feeling of the world closing in, your mind being paralyzed, and being totally helpless to do anything about it.

I am hoping now that I am “in recovery” (I am convinced anxiety is one of those things that is never cured) I can help others who are struggling with anxiety issues as well! If any of you are struggling – I promise there is relief!

I hope you read this knowing that I am sharing this in order to be completely honest; I refuse to hide my anxiety any longer. Anxiety is part of who I am and part of my journey.

Now, off to make some more note cards for my Etsy shop and enjoy the weekend with Keith!